EMO Saga Vol. 1:  Chapter 1

Why is it so much easier to write your fealings than to talk to some one.  It's even easier to think.  The ting is it's much more gratifying in the oposite direstion.  I get no wher typing in this stupid thing, I doubt anyone REALLY cares.  I want some one to comfort me and not in the family way.  Not even in the frind way.  I wish I had someone that I could find comfort in, but I dont see it ever happening.

I was happiest, yet saddest during my comfort times, when I really had someone.  But being near that comfort isn't enough.  You want them to love you back......, but they dont.  At this point thought you'd give any thing for that little comfort you once had.  A warm...apathetic sholder is enough when you're feeling deprived.  There truly is nothing like the warmth created between two people. The gentle coushin created, your head resting gently on one's navel.  The rythmatic contraction and relese of the diaphram.  The binding of two body's in static exstasy is one conformation I'd gladly accept.

Few want this sort of thing though. Some just use another as if they were the hand they would normally masturbate with.  Each one just take's what's wanted, to colect their share.  Does no one realize that if two people gave and gave there is no way that  NOTHING would be recieved. You can always take what you want but a gift holds much more surprise.  And this not only allows those two people to get what they came for.  It also binds the two tighter in a phisical and spirtual way. More comes with a "true gift" than it may seem.  With the gift come a part of the other's soul, their happines, their and, their sorrow and hope.  

I'ts been too long since I either gave or recieved a, "true gift," but I'm not complaining.  I will only give a "true gift"  to someone who cares just as deaply for me as I do for them.  I wont repeat that mistake again.  I'm my own person And I'll decide where my heart goes.

Currently Listening Rufus Wainwright By Rufus Wainwright see related

Well I doubt that anyone will actuslly read this since I havn't been on for so long. 

I feel depressed right now and I'm not fully sure why.  I dont thing my friends like me any more. It just seems weird and I may be wrong, but I get the feeling that I'm un wanted. All I wish is that people would tell me if they're upset with me and say why. 

Another thing I dont understand is why people hold grudges.  I've never been able to stay mad at a friend for more than a week or two, yet some of my friends can be mad at eachother for ever.  I'm just sad. I would like to have some one to talk to but there's no one I'm close enough to that would actually care.  I want to love someone again and forget my old love.  The dreams suck. 

You walk, you walk, your ass hurts, yet you walk. When does it stop? Do you want it to? Will you give up now? Is the end that inviting?  Just walk and talk! Immunize your self, from the pain of life. Distract your self from the pain you don’t want, don’t need, hear! see! smell! Who gives a shit? Do you really want to listen to what’s going on around you? Or is self consumption your favorite hobby? Just screw the world over! Who’s opinion matters in the end? Yours, that’s who!  Death isn’t gonna give a shit about what, or who you do in your spare time. What does death care about how often you get down on your knees, or what scripture you know?  Death is you…. MEE getting fuck over!  Damn dreams that no one else cares about, finally gone forever. Is there a point to this story? This damn waste of a life?  Hell yess there is?  My… Your point in this story is to just be there.  So you can be used for the dreams of other. And to use them in return.  Because in reality the only thing anyone cares about is himself. You walk for your self! You stop for yourself!

I havn't bloged for quite a while.  I gues it got sort of strenuous.

How many of you have seen the movie, the incredibles,  I thought that movie was great, except for one little part.  The little supper girl lost he emo bangs.  This was the worst part of the movie.  She was my favorite character until the moment her head band appeared out of nowhere.  Any way if you havn't seen the movie I definately recomend it, though if your any thing like me the whole lossege of awesome bangs sort of lagged. 

Oh, my gym class just got a hundred times better!!!   I walked into the locker room today and since I'm in selective PE the group adjasent to ours is in swimming.  Any way I walk in an there's this really hot guy in the swimming course, and hes getting for swimming, standing there in his boxer/briefs.  So I think to my self, Hot!!!  So I go over to my locker and start getting dressed.  I get my shirt over my head and look over again, and to my pleasent surprise, no more boxer/briefs.  I'm thinkin, EVEN HOTTER!!!  I'm talking full frontal,  and my my, did he not look nice.  so he finishes dressing. boohoo for me. I leave.  and it wasn't untill I leave that I realized we were in there alone, I definatly should have made a move